Don’t Ask Her to be Your Girlfriend!

If You're Asking Her To Be Your Girlfriend, You're Doing It Wrong

In the movies, Men CHASE women, they bring them flowers, they give them gifts, and she'll play hard to get and eventually relent to his pursuing... hell the main character in "The Notebook" even builds her a FUCKING HOUSE!

You'll have to trust me when I say, this is bass-ackwards. This isn't reality, and this isn't how women work.  

Sure, it is appealing to women. This notion of a man coming after her, but this is only because she is ALREADY ATTRACTED to him. So him pursuing her, just to makes her feel safe about the decision she's already made! It makes her feel like it a sure thing. And you already know that women love security.

In the stories she's already committed to him somewhere in her mind and he's just pulling that information to the surface until she finally admits it to herself.

That tension makes a good plot, but it's not how women work in real life.

In the movie, she feels safe. She comforted, she's told it will all be OK with this man, and there's a little bit of tension where they get pulled apart. At this point, it's even sweeter when they can finally be together, and then she discovers he's already built her a house or whatever and it means so much!

Again this isn't how real life works. It feels good in a movie, but think about it. How well has chasing women worked for you?

If you're like most men - chasing women in real life sucks ass and doesn't get you laid.

Women Seek Connection, Men Change The World

Here's the secret.

If you can wrap your head around this concept it will revolutionize the way you see dating and your attractive value. As a man, you should not be pursuing women. You should be seeking to change the world and have fulfillment in your own life and do the things you love doing. You should be seeking to become your best self by pushing past your barriers and getting a little bit better each day.

THEN, when you've got a rough idea, a rough plan, of what you want to do and are starting to take action, go ahead and show interest in a few women. Show a little interest in the beginning.

Do just a bit of pursuing, just enough for her to know that you are interested and to get a date or two with her. But then give her the space to come to you.

Once she likes you, once she sees the kind of guy you are and the way you're moving in your life, SHE WILL SEEK YOU OUT. Trust me.

You really only have to overtly show interest in the beginning. When she likes you she will seek out that connection with you.

She will call you first, she will text you first, she will want your time and attention.

And when she reaches out... THEN you give it to her.

Women Who Like You Make It Easy For You

She will reach out when she likes you. Remember, women who like you make it easy for you. They will make any excuse, ANY crazy excuse to connect with you.

So just assume that when she reaches out, that she wants to see you IN PERSON. Then get the fuck off the phone. If you're on the phone with her too much she's thinking to herself, "I'm reaching out... why isn't he asking me out on a date?"

When she seeks you out... let her catch you for a day.

You Should RARELY, If Ever, Ask Her To Be Your Girlfriend

Again, women seek connection. At some point, she's going to be falling in love with you and hint at what she wants. If you let her come to you in her own time and give her the freedom to come and go as she pleases - remember women are like cats in this way - she'll say to herself, "This guy is really secure in himself, he's not pulling me, he's not trying to lock me down, and I like that.

I feel good with him because there are no expectations. I don't have to perform." This will generate a sense of being secure with you and she'll want all of your time and attention. 

At some point, she'll hint at being exclusive. She may say, "I'll only sleep with you if we're exclusive." but usually it's little more subtle. She may say something like, "So I was talking about you and didn't know what to call you." or "So where is this going?" 

When she hints at it, sometimes not so subtly, then you can agree that you should be her boyfriend. That's key. She WANTS you to be her boyfriend as opposed to you wanting her to be your girlfriend. 

She needs to feel like she's slowly, over time, pulling you in. That you aren't so easy, and she's winning you over with her hard work and that it's progressing naturally. That you won't just throw your life away to be with her.

She needs to feel special by pulling you away from your purpose or direction in life. And you need to establish those boundaries so that you can maintain your compelling vision.

You must demonstrate personal power.

Again, when she's ready, she'll let you know!

Your Turn

We talk about this in great detail in the Move on After Betrayal-program. Click here to watch an introduction video and get a free taste of the program. You'll get instant relief for break up anxiety.

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