Do You Want to GET Her or Be WITH Her ?

There is a big misconception when it comes to dating.

You can't DO something to make her like, fall in love, or sleep with you. Men typically want to DO something to move things forward. When things go wrong, they believe they can DO something to right all the wrongs of the past.


When she's not responding to his texts he believes that if he DOES something, he will be able to get her to come around. Well in this video, I'm going to show why oftentimes, doing anything will destroy any chance you have of turning it around.

Doing Something To GET Her

If you're attempting to achieve an objective instead of just connecting with her, you're showing her that you aren't interested in her. You're more interested in breaking through her barriers to achieve your objective. In other words, you're not there for her, you just want to know what you can achieve. Can you get her to kiss you, sleep with you, tell you she loves you.

In this way "she" isn't really what you want at all! She's simply the objective that you must conquer.

This is the realm that pick-up lies in. And while this does play to a man's masculinity, his conquering spirit, it requires him to repress his heart in order to conquer. But the problem with conquests is that they can be conquered by others.

The rich man fears losing his wealth, the professor fears losing his reputation, the king - his power. Conquests can be conquered.  

When a man believes he's not enough intrinsically, this makes him incredibly insecure and not able to actually connect with the woman right in front of him.

Many times he doesn't even realize that connection in the real purpose. He can't get sex, he wants sex, and this appears to be the fastest way from point A to point B. The problem is that if he can't connect with himself, he can't connect with her. He can't see that what he truly desires maybe love and connection and not really the sex.

But all he sees is the conquest.

When you make the woman the objective, you dismiss her heart. When you dismiss her heart, you close yours and make connection impossible.

It's a two-way street.

She'll say, "He certainly wants something I have, but he doesn't want me."

He will interpret her stonewalling as him not being tactical enough. He'll beat himself up for not doing it right. Instead of connecting with his heart and dropping all the bullshit, he'll double down and try again with another tactic or even another woman.

Doubling down on the tactics and conquest requires him to push his heart down like a soldier in war in order to achieve the objective. But the solution is to surrender into his love and allow honest connect with the woman inside.

Let go of the desire to make something happen. Let go of your desire for any outcome, and simply rest in the connection.

If she is your objective, she can never be your partner.

Doing Something to Feel Better About Yourself

"She's not responding! What do I do? How can I craft the perfect text to get her to respond! It's killing me! Why is she taking so long!? What do I have to say?" 

When you reach out with your texts to gauge if she likes you, this is exactly what you are doing. You are saying.

"Do you still like me? Please help me feel better about myself." 

That's the hidden message that you are sending her. You might not notice it, but she does. You're sabotaging yourself. When you're constantly asking her for permission to move forward, when you're asking her to approve of you, and to make you feel better, you place her in the mommy position.

She doesn't want to be your mother. 

She doesn't want to have to reassure you and help you feel better. She wants a healthy mature adult male. She wants you to see that she likes you and trust that she's not going to change her mind. She wants to see that you're comfortable with yourself and don't need constant reassurance.

A confident man lives for himself. He knows that if she likes him she will come to him. He knows in his heart that life is good, that things are great, and how she responds to him doesn't determine his mood for the day. 

A confident man knows that he doesn't have to MAKE her like him.

Doing What You Think She Wants

Us men falsely believe that we can GET a woman to like us.

What if we're suave, smoove, or a certain way that we can become what she desires. Unfortunately, you can never craft yourself into being the perfect man for her, no matter what you do. You can never truly know another person's heart, you can only approximate it. 

So when you try to BE what someone else wants, you build yourself a house of cards when your approximation is off. Which it is, by definition.

The problem is that when we try to be what someone else wants, our value is placed completely on their opinion of us. When they don't like the person we've constructed for them, we beat ourselves up and feel like we aren't enough.

We feel lower and lower and can never live up to this impossible standard.

Doing this will make you incredibly vulnerable to those that would take advantage of your nature to be something that she wants.

Some nasty sorts of women will abuse this to get you to do to whatever she wants you to do, constantly cutting you down and threatening to leave or cheat, often making you a shell of your former self. She'll take your money, take your time, take your physical labor, your confidence, your complete self worth, and take your whole life.

This is what you are demonstrating when you try to BE and DO what you think she wants you to do. You do it to relieve insecurity. You do it to be approved of. 


The problem with fixing the external is that your self worth is tied to the external. You falsely believe that your intrinsic value is what you can DO, what you can provide for someone. If you can't provide something then you're literally unproductive and useless. Unsavory women will leverage this to get more out of you. They will hold this over your head to get you to do what they want.


A man who's connected to himself knows that he is more than what he can provide.

Your Turn

You will go deep into cultivating your intrinsic self worth in step 1 of the coaching program. If you're interested in being a part of the coaching program, start by watching this free video. You'll take your first step into releasing your mojo. Afterwards you can schedule a free call with us.

Remember to stay unapologetically you.


About the author

Specializing in helping men get back on their feet after a divorce, Ed Baxter has helped hundreds of divorced men through Genuine Attraction over the last 4 years.

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