7 Steps to Stop Being Jealous

Being jealous pushes her away and makes you go crazy. In fact, jealousy will actually drive her to do things that make you MORE jealous. In this article, I'll show you how to finally get over it, relax, and have her all over you again so you can have more sexy-times.

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Being Jealous Means SHE Controls YOU

Think about this. If you've decided that what you want in a woman is loyalty, and she demonstrates that she isn't loyal, then why would you stay with her? Are your warnings backed by action? If you keep seeing her flirting with other guys or cheating on you - why would you put up with that? 

Because you're choosing not to walk away.

When you can't walk away and never look back, she controls you. You stay with her despite her doing these things. This cripples you. So what do you end up doing? Instead of taking action, you try to control her behavior instead.

It's fascinating how we can look at someone else and try to control THEIR behavior, thinking it's going to make us feel better. But we know deep down inside that even if we could affect her behavior, she might still be secretly fantasizing about cheating or wanting to be with another man.

It's a lie you tell yourself, so you would have an excuse to avoid uncomfort and hard work.

The uncomfortable truth is you DO have other options in women and that you DO deserve loyalty. If you can't trust her, you either need to work on yourself so you can learn to trust, or you need to find a woman who's more trustworthy. All of which takes hard work.

Still, being single for the rest of your life is infinitely preferable than being with a woman whom you cannot trust.

Trying to Control Her Is Keeping Both of You From Happiness

Look, if she doesn't pay attention to you, how are you going to force her to? If she's looking around, obviously there is some mismatch between the two of you.

Or there is something that she's looking for that she can't find in your relationship. 

You OWE it to yourself to let her go so that she can go after what she really needs in a man. If you feel you can't keep her attention if you feel that she's needing somebody or something else. Then all you have to do is relax into that and allow her to move on and be with someone who can match her better than you can.

That's totally fine! Because when you do that, you allow another woman to come into the life that matches you better than she could. 

Why would you want to hold her near you when she clearly wants more than you can or are willing to give her? You demonstrate immense personal power when you let her go to be with whomever she needs to be with.  

If she demonstrates disloyalty or that she wants to be with other guys, simply let her know that she's more than welcome to do so - with an important caveat. If she should pursue other guys, it's going to be the end of your relationship, and that you're going to leave so you can pursue other women. 

You are going to walk away and never look back. It's fair to everyone.

Instead of Controlling Her, Focus On YOUR Path in Life

If you're worried about her cheating all the time, if you can't walk around town without worrying if she's checking out another guy - then why are you with her? 

How can you relax and be comfortable with your life? You can't!

You'll be constantly worried that she's going to cheat on you. But when you've decided you're going to continue being with her regardless, you've literally crippled yourself. When you're in a crippled state you aren't having fun and you aren't fun to be around, you can't make jokes, you can't be charming, and you can't simply relax.

If you're focusing on her, you're not focusing on creating a spectacular life.

You're worried about maintaining the status quo. You're not growing. You're restricting yourself. If you choose to be with a woman you cannot trust, you'll never have the energy to grow. You'll throw it all down the drain just trying to feel secure in your relationship.

If You Try to Control Her, She Will Rebel Eventually

The thing about jealousy is that it creates the situation that you are trying to avoid! If you're trying to control her behavior and make her act a certain way, then she's going to be tempted to rebel, and this is going to make things much worse for you. 

If you're freaking out about who she's texting, then she's going to be tempted to hide her phone. If you're getting on to her about talking to some guy on the street, she's not going to want to tell you about when these things happen in her life because she won't want you to jump down her fucking throat. 

If you go accusing her of things, she's going to close down to you and start omitting things. 

Then when you do find out about it, you're going to go ape-shit and ask her why she didn't tell you. You'll literally create off-the-wall scenarios where she is trying to hook up with some imaginary dude.

You will come off as insecure and weak and this will be an incredible turn off for her. She won't want sexy-times, and she'll distance herself from you. When she distances herself, this will cause you to become even more insecure and to chase after her more. You'll ruminate on, "She's obviously not interested in me, so who IS she interested in?" And you will become even more paranoid.

You'll accuse her again, and she'll say she's innocent and you'll hear from her less and less as you chase her right out of your life.

Eventually, she will have moved on emotionally from you, and at that point, it's too late. She might actually start texting and flirting with other guys as she looks to move on from you and jump into another relationship.

This is when you'll fly off the fucking handle and all your fears will be confirmed. You'll call her, "A cheating whore."

You'll say that she was always this way. 

But it doesn't matter at this point, because you'll never believe anything she says.

Deep down though, you'll know that you simply have a problem with jealousy and that you drove her away. 

Jealousy is Your Fear of Losing Connection With Her

The biggest cure for jealousy is just feeling that she's there with you, that she's there for you.

Determine what kinds of things fill you up in this way and create dates and time together that allow her to not only demonstrate her loyalty to you, but also show that she's there for you, that she's got your back, and that she wants to be with YOU.

You'll have to really open up and let her know what it is that you need from her so that she can provide it.

This is where I usually recommend learning "the 5 love languages".

This is a great way to reaffirm each other's connection to each other. When you're feeling jealous there's a large part of you that doesn't feel worthy of her and that at any moment she could jump ship when she finds a better guy. A guy more worthy of her time and attention.

The quickest cure for this is simply having a romantic evening where you both can connect on a deep level and make love.

So be the man in the relationship and orchestrate this. Don't wait around for her to be romantic with you. State clearly what you want and organize the date.

 

7 Steps To Deal With Your Jealousy

If you're with a great woman who loves you, she'll desperately want you to move past this as quickly as possible. If you haven't already destroyed the relationship she'll be more than happy to work with you on this. Women can see your potential better than you can and she knows you can power through it if you decide to take true responsibility for it.

So here's how you do it:

1. Don't check up on her.

DO NOT Snoop on her, check up on her constantly, or any other sneaky or sketchy behaviors...this will only make your paranoia WORSE.

2. Set clear expectations.

State clearly and EARLY in your relationship that you value loyalty above all else. This is more for you stating clearly what you will or will not accept that it is for telling her what the consequences for cheating are.

3. Look for REAL evidence. 

Don't assume she is looking around. Give her the benefit of the doubt. I recommend setting reminders on your phone. Open your alarm app and set 5 reminders. One at Wake up, breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bedtime. You're going to have to literally force-feed your brain into a new habit, and reminders on your phone, are a great way to change a pattern of behavior. I use them all the time.

4. Assume loyalty until proven otherwise.

I know you'll feel like you're turning a blind eye, but you've got to give her the benefit of the doubt unless proven otherwise. Since you've clearly stated your intentions, if she is texting and flirting, and you DO find evidence then simply walk away and don't look back. You give yourself the gift of personal power, instead of trying to control her.

5. Give the fear a name.

Let her know that you have this insecurity going on, but DON'T accuse her of any wrongdoing. A woman who loves you will want to fix you. Allow her to help you. Give the jealousy a name. Call it Pepe or something. Say, "Pepe, is being a dick again." instead of, "Who are you texting?" This way you can be open about your insecurity instead of being accusatory. This allows her the space to be with you and connect with you instead of pushing her away with accusations.

6. Shift your focus from jealousy.

Do your BEST to go longer and longer periods of time without expressing your jealousy or letting it control you. At first, you may have to say to her, "Pepe is being a cockmuncher again." Every single day when you are feeling jealous. But then strive to get to every other day before saying, "Pepe is being a shitnugget" and then try to get to every third day and so on. You'll notice your woman starting to give you more and more attention as you can get yourself to go longer and longer without expressing jealousy. If you can go two weeks you'll probably start feeling much better just because she'll be giving you more attention and more connection. 

7. Have patience

You've conditioned her to be on the defensive, so it's going to take months probably before she starts to truly relax and trust you. So you're going to need to give her some patience as well.

Your Turn

If you're struggling with jealousy, or trauma after a betrayal, check out this free introductory video to our coaching program. You'll get instant relief from anxiety and the feeling of not being in control.

Afterwards you'll have an opportunity to schedule a free call with us.

-Ed

About the author

Specializing in helping men get back on their feet after a divorce, Ed Baxter has helped hundreds of divorced men through Genuine Attraction over the last 4 years.

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