Trying to Make Her Happy Will Destroy Your Relationship

A man will do anything to make his woman happy. He will buy her expensive things, move into a new house, even leave his job so that she can have what she wants. And even though this is a noble gesture to him, it means little to her in the long run.

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In this article I'll explain why trying to make your woman happy isn't what you should be focusing on as a man, and that by doing these grand gestures you're really hindering her attraction for you and sabotaging the romantic potential of your relationship. 

You Cannot Make Anyone Happy - Much Less Your Woman

It's kind of weird how us men think that if we make a woman happy she'll love us forever and give us the sex and affection that we've wanted our entire lives. 

Unfortunately, it's easy to get obsessed with making her happy, and when we do this we forget about our own happiness - or rather our happiness becomes tied to her happiness.

So when she becomes unhappy, we get anxiety.

When she gets angry, we feel like we've failed. 

When she's sad, we assume it's because of what we are doing. 

We falsely think that if she has this perfect relationship with us that she'll be the happiest woman in the world! And why would she leave a man who makes her so happy?

But again... when we come from this place we forget our own happiness, and so we sacrifice ourselves for her happiness. We spend money, we take trips, we buy her gifts, we change jobs, move to a new place, hang out with people we don't necessarily like, go to restaurants we hate, etc. Doesn't matter. She loves it and so we do it to please her.

What happens is that there is a hidden agenda here. That if we do these things she will give us what we want, admiration, affection, love, adoration, and most importantly, loyalty.

So when she doesn't do these things, when she doesn't give us what we want we rage quietly inside, and she becomes even more unhappy, because she can't understand what's wrong and we feel like we are chasing our tail.

Let go of trying to make any woman happy. 

Sacrificing Yourself Means Little to Her

You know, men think that if they sacrifice themselves for their woman that they will earn points with her, and that those points can accumulate over time. That you can have so many points saved up with her that she'll never leave him.

You see, a woman cares little about how much he's sacrificed for her. In fact, they start to resent him for several reasons. 

When you sacrifice yourself for her, in the short term she might like that you put her in such an important place in your life. But over time she will resent the fact that you can't say "No" to her. She will push a little bit further each coming week and you'll give up even more of yourself for her to make her happy.

This is a bottomless pit. As you sacrifice, she'll take more and more. 

Many men don't know when to say "no" to her and find themselves giving up everything they love and sacrificing for her with little to show for it. These men think they are being a savior or a white knight...but really they are only killing themselves and enabling a tyrant.

You don't gain points with women. How she feels right now is all that matters. 

So stop sacrificing thinking you're getting ahead. You're not. 

If You're Sacrificing For Her, You're Not Following Your Mission

If you're stopping and starting your life and your desires at her behest, you're literally putting yourself, and your mission in life on hold and placing her happiness as your mission in life.

Again, men love this kind of sentiment, but it means next to nothing to her. In fact, she hates it. She doesn't want to be placed on a pedestal like this. If you can't even stand up to her, how can you possibly stand up to the world? When you can't stand up to her, you look weak in her eyes. 

Women need strong men.

When you can't say, "No" to her, you demonstrate that you can't stand up to the world. If you can't stand up to the world, how can you fight for what's important? How can you fight for a promotion? How can you fight a bully?

You can't.

You're demonstrating weakness. Although putting her first is appealing to her and makes her feel special, the specialness wears off rapidly if you do it all the time and if you can't say "No". She will demand more and more of you while at the same time becoming less and less happy.

So you're sacrificing your happiness to make her happy, and she's unhappy that you're sacrificing for her.

Now you have two unhappy people, pretending to be in love.

When you can't say "No" to her, she resents you just a little bit more. 

It doesn't make her happy... it makes her hate you. 

If You Want to Make Her Happy, Make Yourself Happy First

I can't tell you the number of guys who, when started saying "No" to her demands, noticed that all of a sudden things started turning around. She stopped nagging him, and she paid more attention to him. Not only did he start feeling freer, but she gave him more freedom. You know she will test your resolve. She will test just to see if you're strong enough to stand up to her. 

She might not even know why she's so irritated at you, why she's so angry at you. But as soon as you stand up for yourself and say, "No" all of a sudden she calms down and is happy again.

You might think you are being selfish. You might feel like there will be hell to pay if you do this, and there might be, at first. But this is the step that is necessary to get your relationship back on track if you feel like you have to do everything for her all the damn time, and that she's the one that always gets what she wants.

Ironic huh? You give her everything she wants and she's still unhappy, yet you still do it. 

It's not working so stop it! You've got nothing to lose! She's already unhappy, she's not initiating sex, she's not praising you as this awesome guy, she's not being super loving and appreciative. So fuck it! Do your own thing!

"Make yourself happy first, and then you'll have more energy to be fully present with her." 

Always Follow Your Own Compelling Vision First

Don't worry about her happiness. 

She is responsible to make herself happy, just like you're responsible to make yourself happy. If she's unhappy, it's her problem. Sure you can listen and help facilitate her emotional processing of what's going on, but YOU can't make anyone happy. 

When you're focusing so much on her, you're wasting your time. Go and use that time to further your compelling vision or something that makes you happy. 

If you're following your compelling vision, you're moving places in life. When you schedule some time with her, she's going to actually feel special because you're not simply sacrificing and dropping everything to do what she says. 

A woman feels special when she feels his purpose is so compelling that he MUST do it, and she's able to, just once in a while, pull him away for a short time. But she wants to feel that he is compelled to go back and he MUST leave her to pursue it. She must feel that when she pulls too hard he will resist and walk away.

Your Turn

We talk in great detail about trying to make her happy and focusing on your own journey instead in the MOAB-coaching program. You can get a taste by watching this free introductory video here. Afterwards you can schedule a free call with us to see if the program is for you.

Remember to stay unapologetically you. 

-Ed

About the author

Specializing in helping men get back on their feet after a divorce, Ed Baxter has helped hundreds of divorced men through Genuine Attraction over the last 4 years.

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