So you just broke up. Or maybe you're still hurting over a breakup that happened years ago.
Let's look at how you can let go of the pain and move on in 10 steps.
1. Understand your internal struggle
You're really going through an identity crisis. You've put your life together with this person and now you're going to have to reevaluate your identity.
That causes pain, sadness and a deep unhappiness. Suddenly you have no more reason to be the person who you were.
2. Cut the connection
There's a few quick actions you can take instantly to get over a breakup:
Do NOT Contact your ex for ANY reason.
Don't go facebook stalking or looking her up.
Delete all her photos from your phone and any place where you have instant access to them. If you must, keep a few photos on a USB stick that you bury in the back of your closet. All the rest must go. That identity is no longer part of you. In your mind assume that it's forever over and look towards your life being without her, FOREVER.
3. Allow your emotions
As men, we're taught to swallow our emotions. You may even feel shame for feeling weak, hurt or vulnerable. Well guess what - the strongest man doesn't swallow his emotions.
The strongest man accepts his emotions and carries them with pride. Here's what you do when you feel anxious, angry, frustrated, stressful or sad:
- Find a quiet place.
- Allow the feeling. Don't push it away.
- Ask the feeling to do its WORST
- Feel it fully. Embrace it.
- It might feel bad for a moment, but then you'll find a huge relief coming over you.
- These feelings will come in waves, but the waves get smaller each time.
4. Start rebuilding yourself
The worst thing you can do when feeling depressed and not processing the emotions is do nothing. Sometimes the best way to make a change is force yourself to get moving. Here's how.
- Make a list of all the things you SHOULD be doing
- Write everything down, even the smallest thing. Your wildest dreams and goals. Your daily chores.
- Break down each goal into small steps.
- Break down each step into smaller steps.
- START grinding through that list, one step at a time.
5. Exercise and build your life
You're now in a wonderful position where you can reinvent yourself and your life.
- Get working out. Join a gym or go for a daily jog. Or walk.
- Become the best at your job. Start really putting 110% effort into it.
- Call up friends you haven't been with for a while. Say hi and ask them what's up.
- Go visit your grandma.
- DO SOMETHING. What you do isn't important. It's the taking action that helps.
6. Figure out where you were failing and forgive yourself
Reflect. Where do you think you failed?
You know? Awesome. Take note and learn. Congratulate yourself for LEARNING. That's why we fail.
You don't know? Awesome. Maybe you didn't fail. Congratulate yourself for learning.
Then move on. Never dwell in your "failures." They don't really exist.
7. Get working on becoming a better man
Look at your list of things to do. Remember the failures you just listed. What is your ideal man? What do you imagine as the "perfect" version of yourself who has this stuff handled? What can you do today to take a step toward becoming that man?
Take that step.
8. If you're feeling like you'll never find a new girl
Go out and get some validation. Talk to people. Get a hobby. Flirt with new women. Embarrass yourself in front of a new woman.
Start casually dating, but don't commit. You're still healing and you're not ready for it. I repeat. DON'T COMMIT. This is about you, not about her. Sometimes a little validation is enough to make you feel right again.
9. Do all of these things at once, at the same time
Some people say you shouldn't date until you're over it, but I find that dating WHILE processing, as long as you're not committing is a great and fun way to get over it. It shows you how abundant life can really be, and you'll have a great time doing it.
10. And Finally
Your healing process will take time. At some point you stop looking at it as healing, and start looking at it as life. Growth. Improvement. That's when you know you're ready to commit again.
Once you do, be VERY deliberate in who you want to commit to again.
If you're struggling with getting over a breakup, check out this free video.
What kinds of things have YOU tried and done to successfully feel better and in your own power after a breakup? Share with me in the comments below.