Why You Haven’t Found Your Soulmate

You're doing EVERYTHING the dating coaches tell you to do. You're dressing better, you're going to the gym, you're actually going on dates now. But the dates aren't going anywhere and you're getting incredibly frustrated.

I'm going to show you exactly why simply going to the gym or dressing better isn't going to attract your perfect partner, and what you can do to turn things around, attract the kind of women you really want to date, and have an amazing time doing it.


Stop Waiting to Be Ready

If you wait for your dream woman to arrive after you've succeeded, or you think she won't show up until you're already your best self - it's never going to happen.

You'll hear a lot of dating and relationship coaches, especially in the men's space, talk about becoming your best self so that you can attract great women, or even reattract your wife in a sexless marriage. 

The thing is, they aren't wrong, but they don't address the underlying problem shy, introverted, or even self-conscious men really have. They tell the guy the right things to do, but in the wrong way, and for the wrong reasons, and this is because it's incredibly rare to find a men's coach who actually has found his perfect partner and is living a great life. The secret they don't want you to know is that they are still trying to figure it out themselves.

She Wants the Alpha of His Own Realm

I can't tell you the number of times that I've heard a man say, "Well, I want to get out there and attract an amazing woman, but I first gotta get my debt in order, or I need to develop my gym habits so she's physically attracted, or I need to make some more money so she doesn't think I'm a loser." 

I ask him, "OK why is this?" and he'll tell me, "Because that's what women want, they want a guy who's kicking ass in life. They want the Alpha. If I'm not being Alpha, she's not going to be attracted to me, and if she's not attracted to me, she won't want to have sex with me, and I'll die lonely and horny, and I'll really be a loser."

I say, "Well, women DO want a guy who is strong, but IN HIS POWER. This guy is Alpha, but of his OWN realm. It's not these external things she's attracted to, per se. So how do you become Alpha of your own realm? You CREATE your own reality."

So yes, women DO want a powerful guy, but the problem is if he believes he needs these external things to show that he's alpha, he's already lost. An alpha isn't concerned with appearances... he just has this energy, naturally. Alpha energy cannot be owned but embodied as a result of following your chosen path naturally.

Think of it this way. If you hate working out but you are forcing yourself to, so that you'll be physically attractive to her, if you are working extra hours at that job you don't love, if you are making yourself do things you don't enjoy, how long do you think you can sustain that, without the proper context? If it's not coming from a place of enjoyment or greater context, then what happens when you can't maintain those habits?

First, you're going to beat yourself up because you're failing. And you're going to consistently beat yourself up for not beating your goals consistently. Because they aren't compelling to you and don't have a greater context and they aren't aligned around a greater vision that you have for your life.

You are going to burn yourself out and beat yourself up. You'll actually make yourself WEAKER doing this than before you started, but perhaps you'll be a little smarter and wiser.

And you see, that's the problem.

YES women DO want a powerful man. But it must be a man in HIS power. 

You don't even have to have already succeeded, but you must BE ON THE PATH. Whatever that path is.

If you wait until you've already succeeded, that means that you've waited until you've succeeded to feel worthy of her, and when you don't get her, you'll still be unworthy, and when you get her disapproving look, you've failed, and all that work was FOR NOTHING.

You will lash out at her, and it won't be pretty. 

It's Not Your Success She Wants, But Seeing You Live Powerfully

She doesn't need to see you as already successful, she only needs to see you on YOUR PATH OF STRENGTH, and being powerful RIGHT NOW. 

Hell, you could decide what your path is today and by next week you can have aligned your life around this path. Women who are drawn to your chosen path are going to be incredibly attracted to you. Hell just having this mindset will make you more attractive overall instantly to all women. They need to feel this from you. Your inner strength. 

And here's why. 

Your Path Must Be More Compelling Than Your Need For Sex

There's a part of the feminine that NEEDS to see that she can't throw you off your path. That you are stronger in your path than you are for chasing her sexual availability. She can be your favorite person, but not your favorite thing. 

If you make your path simply to get a great partner, then any time that partner is unhappy, you've already been thrown off your path. You lose. Because if she's unhappy, you're going to feel like you're failing. It's incredibly easy for her to leverage this against you. Even inadvertently.  

You see, feminine energy IS the supportive role in a masculine/feminine relationship, but ONLY for a man who can powerfully hold his compelling vision.

The feminine is also a vindictive tyrant that will hold you in quiet contempt and punish you for falling off of your chosen path, especially for allowing her to knock you off it. If you think that allowing her to easily pull you away from your vision to spend time with her will make her happy...you couldn't be more wrong. If you don't have the resolve to decide what you want and stick to it, you're going to lose.

The man who consistently loses has his "balls in her purse."

There's nothing more fun and attractive to her than to play the game of seeing you on your path and trying to pull you away from it, by trying to be "more special" than your vision. She'll kiss on your, offer you sex, really anything. Just remember, you both win when you say "No". 

You Vision Must Be Highly Compelling To You

You must create a VISION that is compelling to you for your life.

You see, if you build a life that's attractive to you, that aligns with your chosen vision, then you'll naturally rearrange your life to further that compelling vision. This vision needs to be ATTRACTIVE to you. Something that you can strive for. I can't tell you what that is going to be, but I CAN tell you that you need to be excited about it. 

Most shy or introverted men, don't even know what they like! They've been living for women their entire lives. They have made "being the perfect man" their life's mission, and as I said earlier, if she throws him off his path every time she gets in a sour mood, if she can't trust his strength or personal power to be able to handle her emotions then how in the hell can he survive in the world. And when she feels that he is weak in the world, she will start to hold him in quiet contempt and get snippy at him.

That's what nagging really is, by the way.

Shy men have been putting themselves on the back burner for everybody else but themselves their whole life. Most guys have a REALLY hard time with this because they deny themselves for so long they don't even remember what they like.  

They say, "I don't even know what I want to do. Everything seems pale and uninteresting." Yeah. Because you've denied yourself for so long that your brain won't even let you go into your imagination to play and have fun.

You've literally trained it to say "What's the point? I'm going to either not have a good time or I'm going to fail anyway. Better to not even imagine it, then I won't have to feel bad."

But you see, if you build a life, a vision that's attractive to you, then it's going to be MUCH easier to say NO to the things in life that will pull you off your path. Especially HER.

When your life is attractive to you, when you have that vision that you're creating for you then you'll have a MUCH easier time developing the necessary habits to further your mission.

Do you think Chris Hemsworth has a hard time going to the gym so that he can be Thor in the Avengers? FUCK NO! It was a means to an end. His vision is compelling, and so the context is there. He may hate the gym, but he loves furthering the vision.

And that brings up the 3rd point.

Your Vision MUST be enjoyable

A great example of this: I overheard a conversation about in the theater during The Avengers: Endgame. The woman behind me kept talking about Thor saying, "Those abs!" And the guys around her were saying, "What about Captain America?" And the woman said, "NO! He takes himself way too seriously!" even though he's got abs too. The women around her agreed. 

So what's the difference between Captain America and Thor that the women really like?

It's that Thor doesn't take himself too seriously.

He's fun, he plays with life. Captain America has the same abs and same life vision, but he follows his vision because he must. He's duty driven. I suspect he believes he's secretly a martyr because of his sacrifice. 

Thor, on the other hand, enjoys the fight, he enjoys the journey. And so you must also enjoy the fight. Strive to enjoy the fight so much that it's like you're living on vacation. 

When you've wrapped your life around the things you love to do, and you're working on a mission that's compelling to you, and you enjoy the fight. You could turn things around next week. And when you do, you'll open yourself up to a world of amazing women who can't wait to be on your journey with you. 

It's not an easy journey by any means, but it's incredibly liberating. You aren't sacrificing yourself for her happiness anymore. You're doing it for you and what's important to you. It requires taking tremendous responsibility for yourself, but you are rewarded with beautiful cheerleaders.

You must have an enjoyable compelling vision or it won’t inspire her to join you.

Your Turn

If you're still struggling to find your soulmate, check out this free introductory video to our MOAB-coaching program. It's a great way to reconnect with your mojo. Afterwards you'll have the opportunity to schedule a call with us to see if the program would be helpful for you.

In light,
Ed Baxter

About the author

Specializing in helping men get back on their feet after a divorce, Ed Baxter has helped hundreds of divorced men through Genuine Attraction over the last 4 years.

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