Why Listening to Dating Coaches Keeps You Stuck

You just feel like if you can be confident everything will fall into place.

That's what women want, right? A confident man! That's what the all say! Well, in this article, I'm going to explain that if you listen to dating coaches on how to get confident quickly so you can get the girl, you're going to be perpetually stuck.

And WHY you being stuck is actually good for the dating coach!!



A Confident Man Is Fearless, Or Is He?

What exactly IS confidence?

Many people will tell you that it's a lack of fear. You may say, "I'm afraid to go talk to her which means I'm not confident. So if I'm afraid then that means that I'm not confident, and that's what she wants to see, right? That I'm not afraid? That I'm confident?"

So a coach may tell you to "Just go and approach her and fake until you make it." 

That you just need to practice this skill, and then you'll be really good at walking up and talking to women and being successful and then you'll truly be confident!

You'll never have to worry again. You can finally be free from feeling inadequate and be able to have what I truly want. Lots of sex from beautiful women, and all the love that you could ask for!

Sorry. The world doesn't work like that.

There is a little bit of truth to this formula though, which is why it's so seductive to insecure men. I find it incredibly ironic that there are troves of men trying to seduce women all while being completely seduced by the concept of seducing women!

Confidently Pretending to Be Confident

Let's get real. This is not how you get confident. Let's break it down.

The definition of confidence is:

  • the state of feeling certain about the truth of something.
  • a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.

Many many men feel very certain about the truth of how to be confident, so I would say they are confident in that respect. BUT those same men never feel quite so self-assured about the appreciation of their ability, or more importantly their qualities as a man.

Which is really interesting.

So we have a bunch of men running around trying to BE confident. They feel the truth about what they are doing, but they don't have the self-assurance arising from an appreciation of their own abilities or more importantly their own unique qualities. 

If you don't believe in your own unique qualities, if you don't believe in your own intrinsic value... Then how can you possibly feel confident about yourself or feel secure in your own skin?


The Dating Coach Trap

You see, simply trying to be confident is judging yourself to be intrinsically NOT ENOUGH already. 

Because you aren't "confident," whatever that word means to you, you are not enough, and she won't like you. So if she likes you when you pretend to be confident, then she must have liked you because you were pretending to be confident.

So you better keep being confident or she's not going to like you anymore.

The dating coach trap is sprung, and another client is born.

Damn, that is HARSH! Can you imagine having people around you all the time that will only accept you for being something you're not? And that you have to constantly pretend to be this way for love and acceptance? Holy shit!

How do you even get up in the morning?

To be serious, a lot of men do this in many many areas of their life. 

You see, if you're perpetually insecure, the dating coach, men's coach, or pickup coach can sell you more advice. He can always say "Confidence is one trick away. Just keep trying, keep plugging through. You'll get it just like me!" He becomes the drug dealer and you the addict, looking for that confidence trick, that key to unlock getting the girl (or her sex), which is your drug.

But I promise you. If you watch him, and settle into your intuition, you'll find he's insecure too, and he doesn't have the key either. Because if he did, he wouldn't try to teach you this. 

How To Avoid The Dating Coach Trap

How do you avoid all of this mindfuck nonsense? It's easy. Say, "FUCK CONFIDENCE."

Say it with me now. Fuck it right in the ass, and get angry.

If it means I have to be a certain way for any woman to like me. If I have to be confident or any particular way, then she can keep it. I hope she finds a man who meets her peculiar requirements. I'd rather just be unabashedly myself, wearing my Star Wars-shirt and just loving where I'm at in life. I'd rather be unapologetically my True Self.

Even better... I'd rather be completely NOT confident about how to talk to women or seduce them and be 100% secure in myself.

Confidence Doesn't Attract

You see, women aren't really attracted to confidence. Confidence is a byproduct of being secure in yourself and loving who you are, intrinsically. Not because you can do something, or have something, or accomplished something. Although doing these things do help build your self-esteem.

The more secure in yourself you are the less you're going to be dancing to somebody else's tune. That is true personal power, one of the 3 core qualities of being attractive. But the moment you try to be ANYTHING other than your unapologetic self you are dancing to someone else's tune. How can a woman trust you when you aren't secure enough to innately trust in yourself?

Think about that. If you're chasing confidence, you're chasing a pipe dream. And you'll never find it.

Next time you see that beautiful woman standing in line next to you, tell yourself:

"FUCK CONFIDENCE! I'm going to be unapologetically myself FIRST, and she must accept that, because I do, and to continue getting my time and attention, she'll need to be able to see that I'm a good hearted person... to use her intuition and feel my intrinsic value and worth... and treat me with love and respect... and if she doesn't... she literally disqualifies herself from my life... because I can't be with someone who isn't heart-centered... full of love and wants to create something beautiful and connect with me... a great man and heart-centered man."

Think about what happens if you tell yourself she treated you badly or indifferently because you simply weren't confident enough. How do you think it will play out later when you can't keep being confident all the time?

You won't match well with her.

You're going to have drama, she's not going to continuously be attracted to you, and that will make you feel even more insecure, which will drive her away.

A good woman doesn't need to see your confidence. 

Or you acting Alpha. She needs to see that you are incredibly secure and love yourself first. That's a man she can truly trust. That she can open her heart to and admire. And if she admires you, if she respects your security, she can be attracted to you. You could even be awkward and weird...and she's still going to like you because you are secure in yourself.

Your Turn

If you're still struggling with pickup artist advice or confidence, check out this free introductory video to our MOAB-coaching program. It's a great way to reconnect with your mojo. Afterwards you'll have the opportunity to schedule a call with us to see if the program would be helpful for you.

In light,
Ed Baxter 

About the author

Specializing in helping men get back on their feet after a divorce, Ed Baxter has helped hundreds of divorced men through Genuine Attraction over the last 4 years.

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